Single It’s no Problem

Still single ... ... it's so lovely ... .... Perhaps the phrase is considered important by the women who are still single. Single status is fun really. Indeed, not many people are discussing the exciting dynamic of life in women's singles. This is understandable because our culture demands push women to get married at the age of maturity. People easily just commented, "How is 27 years old still single? Want to become an old maid? Or perhaps ... .. "This makes some women uneasy already aged 25 years and over but does not have especially unmarried couples. What hell yeah we can not become women who are cheerful, happy, and excited with the single status?
Interpret single status in the context of a positive and happy in a way changed the way we become more positive in the single status. The approach of cognitive psychology to help us interpret the conditions and ourselves from a positive standpoint. When our mind is positive, the emotions we had more fun so we are enjoying our lives. Here is an easy way to interpret the single women's lives positively. Let us refer to ...

   1.  Single means independence. Wow cool it if we have freedom in our lives. Today is going to eat Noodle Lo aja ya ok, then tomorrow it fun to eat sushi and evening meal ajah hodgepodge still fun-fun aja. Then we can arrange to live in accordance with our wishes. Imagine when the decisions we take really 100% on us. For those who like to read will have some time to find your favorite books and discover the exciting discussion community. It's very challenging ... ...
   2.  Single means we have time for ourselves. Going to the salon, go ahead and then after going to the spa ... yup, I'll be ready .... It's great when we go or do the activity completely to our own.
   3.  Single means we no longer need to bother with a moody partner behavior or a little cranky. Duh imagine couples face prosecution. Damaged deh our plans because they have to take the time to seduce, soothe, or cheer the couple. Thank ngambeknya grateful if only briefly, but if prolonged would spend our time. Not to mention we are faced with a cranky face pair.
   4. Single means that we can love ourselves wholeheartedly. When we have time for yourself then we will think, feel, and do what we like. This means that we increase the sense of self-love. We are invited to identify what is most comfortable and enjoyable for yourself. When we will have a partner, we become more able to appreciate themselves and others equally important. We can be more empathetic to what actions will make others upset.
   5.  Single means that we can find an appropriate community of interest or our thinking. Seru could have a discussion with my friend sehobi segagasan or on the internet, then make a pact meet and chat. This could be the forerunner to find a fun friend. Occasionally ground coffee will help expand our network of friends.
   6.  Single means we have lots of friends. Although the singles should not be prisoners dong. Do not just at home at any time only. Mingle and multiply friends. Now, if we have a partner, it could be our chance to explore the friendship becomes limited. That makes sense because it could have pouted and spouse do not agree that we mostly hang out in cafes, in restaurants, while chatting. Not necessarily your friends or our community favored by the couple. Thus, the single is our time to explore our friendship.
   7.  Single means that we can tempt anyone who wants to tease us. Our right because we are dong it again do not have a boyfriend. Do this consciously and know the consequences later. This means that if we begin to tempt or attract attention and then when the responses do not necessarily dicuekin just like that, later stricken you know ... .. Consequently we have to accept when the people we teased ourselves approaching. Use strategies that pretty girl say yes let no man toying flirtatious handyman. His name is his intention tease, usually the guy who was also his intention to the extent we can be friends.
   8.  Single means we can explore our ketubuhan maximum. How do we keep our body, to appreciate our bodies, and look at the interesting parts of our body. Caring for yourself, exercise (what's up), up by reading books about sexuality will help the understanding of the needs of ourselves and the couple later.
   9.  Single means a chance for us to pay attention to social problems that we are interested. Fun fight it if we take this nation forward through social activities that we like. For those concerned with poverty can go down to help people less fortunate. Or for those who have concern for the children can focus on helping a volunteer teacher when holidays for children of the marginalized.
  10. Single means we can focus on with our careers. Want to be assigned to overseas, just okay. Want to be sent to the area, hayoo .... Want to be promoted to a position in a different city, yuk yak Development Blog .... There's no problem. We can focus in our lives to a career. Our opportunities to develop career wholeheartedly.
  11. Single means we are happy. We need to respect ourselves, it is important. If we are happy and accept yourself then we can be a happy single woman, have lots of friends, OK in a career, and have time for yourself.

Well, enjoy your single life in a positive perspective.

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Self Awareness: The first step toward emotional adaptation

"I can not live without him! I'm useless! "
"Do not be so, still a lot you can do in life"
"But only he who can make me happy"
"There are still other men are definitely better than him"
"I do not care! Anyway my life now has no meaning anymore! "

Brief conversation above is a fragment of a scene from a soap opera on television. Cliched story about a woman who abandoned spouse, whom she loved. Many of the reasons why the men go. It could be due to other work in the city, having an affair with another woman, or even died of contracting the rare disease. What is clear, after the death of this man, she feels lost identity. He dissolved in the deep emotions of grief until she felt her life had ended.

Have you ever experienced something similar? Probably not a case of a breakup, but other cases where it is hard to overcome your own emotions. One of the simplest case that often happens is that when driving on the highway. How often do you feel "offended" when there are other vehicles that get in front of your path, until then you step on the gas to return following a vehicle? Or have you ever cursed the public vehicle driver who wishes to stop the vehicle on the road to raise the passenger? Or other emotional events in different situations, for example in the office. Amid the confusion of approaching deadlines, usually what you do? Incessant cursing because your boss just added to the workload? Scold your staff because they seem to linger even work? Or would you skip work because no strong again faced pressure at work? Without realizing it, it turns out a lot of emotion affects our everyday lives. Before you go any further, let us together explore first what is meant by emotion.

Emotion is a mental and psychological reactions that occur spontaneously when one is dealing with a condition. For example, when a person is undergoing his first day working as a secretary, it is fair if he was glad to get a job, afraid of making mistakes while typing. Furthermore, there are four types of basic emotions are:

    * Glad
    * Sad
    * Angry
    * Fear

The four emotions are then developed into a variety of emotions such as fear, shame, disgust, and so forth. The emotion itself is actually not have a charge of "true" or "wrong" because this is a human reaction in the face of things. Conduct a follow emosilah which can be assessed "right" or "wrong." In the case of a new secretary was, if he is unable to overcome the emotion of fear that he feels and then typing too careful, so take a very long time to make one letter only, then this behavior can be considered "wrong."

It should be noted that not only negative emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness that can make us behave in the "wrong". Positive emotions such as happiness can also be detrimental if we do not understand how to set them into appropriate behavior. 2Salah one example is the case of students who pass the final exam nationally. They show overflowing joy by doing convoy on the road, making the graffiti on the wall, or singing loudly disturbing others. Of course, their joy is not wrong because they may indeed have tried maximum to pass, but the way they show the joy that is not fair and is considered wrong by the public.

Well, that positive emotions can be detrimental, then we really must be good at controlling the behavior that accompanies a particular emotion. So, what can we do to control our emotional behavior? The first step is to have self-awareness.

Self Awareness

To be able to control emotional behavior, we need to first identify what emotions we feel at any given time. Self Awareness (awareness of self) is a concern that took place when a person tries to understand the internal state itself. The process is a kind of reflection in which a person consciously think about things he experienced the following emotions about the experience. In other words, Self Awareness is a state when we make ourselves aware of the emotions we are experiencing and our thoughts about the emotion.
A psychology expert who pursue many emotional problems, John D. Mayer, said that generally there are 3 styles that appear when someone is facing his emotions, namely:

   1. Unencumbered (engulfed)
      This type is immersed in his emotions and unable to get out of this situation. They do not understand his own emotions so they can easily dissolve carry emotions. As a result, they are not a lot trying to get out of a particular emotional state and eventually are unable to control emotional behavior. An example is the case of a breakup that became the opening of this article, or a case of people cursing other drivers because of traffic jams. They do not spend more time to realize the emotions that are sad or angry they feel. As soon feel a certain emotion, without thinking they immediately react accordingly urge the emotion.

   2. Receiving (Accepting)
      These people actually realize what they are feeling emotions, but emotions tend to take for granted is happening and not try to understand the emotion further. In the end they did not try to adapt to the emotions that arise. This could be a problem when the emotion experienced is sad, then allowed prolonged so that it can cause feelings of distress (depression). Another thing happens when emotions are felt angry or scared. Maybe in the long term, this allowed the emotion of anger which can turn into feelings of resentment, while the emotion of fear can become paranoid (excessive fear no apparent reason).

   3. Conscious self (Self-aware)
      People with this style are aware of and understand the emotions that happen to him. They know the limits of the norms that need to be guarded and thinking to manage the emotion that is felt for his behavior is still in the threshold. At the time feeling positive emotions, people who self-consciously able to demonstrate his joy when appropriate and can maintain that pleasant feeling of emotion for some time. On the other hand, when experiencing negative emotions, they are not too obsessed with things that trigger these emotions and can get out of feeling uncomfortable. For example when people are aware of themselves experiencing a breakup. Most likely, he will understand that the emotions he felt sad as it is natural, but it will not drag on in sadness. He will look for other more productive activities to overcome these feelings of deep sadness.

From the above it is clear that when we become aware of themselves more easily control the emotion that is felt so that it can more effectively control our emotional behavior. We can better understand our emotions the following reasons explain why we feel the emotion. And by realizing that the reason the emergence of an emotion, it means we have pushed our brains thinking about the importance of the source of the problem.
Here's an example. For example, an employee stuck in traffic jams. People who are aware of themselves will realize that he felt the emotion of anger because he was tired after a solid day at the office. He wanted to get home quickly because of the child and the wife was waiting. When there are other vehicles that grab the track, in fact the employee is ready to rage, venting his anger at the driver's vehicle was not polite. But because he knew himself, he thought again the reason why he wanted to get home. In the end he could realize that much more important to be able to get home safely rather than ignite a fight on the highway. Well, the right choice is not it?

With the benefits of being self-conscious, of course we want to be the case. Now the question is, how do I?

Developing Self Awareness

Self-awareness can be built by enabling the brain called the neocortex. This is part of the brain associated with language use. That is, to increase self-awareness, you need to "show respect", identify, and name the emotions you feel. Some ways you can do is:

   1. First Messages (message "I .....")
      Write or express feelings by using a message that begins with "I ....". For example: "I feel your behavior did not appreciate my hard work" or "I am disappointed with the decision you make." I message you aware that the control of the problems that occur in your hands. You are feeling an emotion, you are stating, and you who have control to change things.

   2. Various Color Ways
      Using various methods to depict and describe the feeling:

    *
      Color, eg yellow for the emotions happy, blue for sad, red for angry, and others. You can use it in clothes, stationery ink, the font color on the computer, and so forth.
    *
      Scale, for example: "I am pretty happy, approximately 80 of the 100 is". It gives a pretty picture measured about how strong the intensity of emotions that you experience. If you can say that your sadness 50:50 scale, there is no reason for you to drag it in sadness.
    *
      Analogy, example: "If I was a mountain, I was willing to erupt!". This analogy can also be used as a measure of the intensity of your emotions. For the people of Indonesia, such analogies are usually easier to understand because our culture does a lot of symbolism in language teaching (eg, forgetting his skin like a nut.)

   3. Writing unmet need
      This is intended to explain to yourself why the emotions you are feeling. Example: when you are angry at the time of your staff do not bear the same workload, you can write "I want him to join me overtime when overtime" and their needs / wants another you realize. More and more the need / desire that you write, then you will be more aware of emotional self.

   4. Jot down who want to do
      Actually it was entering the advanced stage of Self Awareness. Once you recognize the emotions being experienced, the next step is to determine what you want to do next related to the emotion. In the example you are angry at the staff were lazy before, you can write "I want to cut his salary if you come home early again" or "I will immediately rebuked if he refused the assignment." By writing things to do, you provide the opportunity for the brain to re-think: if these things are already fit and do not violate norms.

By getting the things above, you will be able to feel more comfortable to live your emotions without having to dissolve and get out of hand. Well, once you learn a lot about emotion and Self Awareness, there is no reason for you to feel helpless when hit by a powerful emotion. Whether it's negative emotions, as well as positive emotions. Now you've learned to make yourself aware of these emotions. Stay half the next step where you plan to conduct appropriate to express these emotions to others.

Self Awareness: The first step toward emotional adaptation

Nurie Lubis / 18-May-2011

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2 Secrets To A Better Future

The Motivating Lives newsletter will guide you to a more fulfilling and prosperous life.
Stop for just a second, take a look around you and ask yourself if this is the quality of life you were hoping for. If you answered “No”, then my question to you is “why not?” “What are you doing to change your life?” Most people who have been asked what they’ve done to change their lives say “it’s no use because…..” and so it goes…. excuses.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. The first step in getting out of the rut is to stop making excuses and assume responsibility for the quality of your life. You can change your life situation today. How do I know? I know because others have done it. There will always be obstacles, but none that can’t be overcome. The only requirement is the desire to change. Mark Twain once said “It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.” If your “want to” is strong enough, you can achieve almost anything you set your mind to.

The second step to getting out of the rut is step out in faith and, as the Nike commercial says, “Just do it”. There is no time like the present to change course. You might not succeed the first time, but you must keep trying. Success will come with persistence. Remember the old saying “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Don’t worry about making a mistake. Albert Einstein once said “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

So step out. Take a chance, and as William Durant, the founder of General Motors said “Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it.”

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